You Sexy Whore!
Episode Guide

Season Three
Reefer Madness
Jackie bails Hyde out of jail and Red kicks him out but decides to let him stay once Donna tells him that it wasn't Hyde's marijuana but Jackie's. Eric doesn't think it's fair that Red's kicking out Hyde so he tells Red that he does it too so which leads to Red installing a smoke detector in the basement.
Red Sees Red
After his drug bust of last season, Eric confesses to smoking pot. Eric's confession leads Red to believe he's been too lenient with the kids and starts rolling out some rules. He sets a curfew and locks down the house at night so the kids can't get out. However, Kitty thinks she's the problem: If she had been a better mother, the kids would be in trouble. She quits her job. Kitty has a "Brady Bunch Variety Hour" dream (Kitty as Mrs. Brady), but in her dream, the kids favor Mrs. Partridge (guest star Shirley Jones) because she's the better mother.
Hyde's Father
While out at a bar, Hyde discovers his long-lost dad Bud tending bar. Against Red's advice, Kitty invites Hyde's father over for dinner. But at dinner, Hyde's resentment shines through. However, he reconciles with him just long enough for his father to hit him up for money. Red tries to convince Hyde that his father is pulling a con on him, but Hyde gets angry at Red and moves out of the Foreman house and in with Bud. Elsewhere, Donna discovers dirty magazines under Eric's bed. She is appalled and wants to know why Eric would need girlie magazines when he has the real thing — her. Eric insisted he needed the magazines for when Donna isn't around. She doens't believe him and asks the other guys if they, too, need to look at dirty magazines. Of course they all say they do. Eric decides to give up the magazines, but Donna ultimately says it's OK for him to look at them.
Too Old to Trick or Treat, Too Young to Die
A Halloween episode filled with parodies of Alfred Hitchcock's "Rear Window", "Vertigo", "The Birds", "North By Northwest" and "Psycho".
Roller Disco
Jackie wants to enter a roller disco contest and begs for a partner. Hyde turns her down cold, but the ever-aiming-to-please-Jackie Fez volunteers. The become close while practicing and this concerns Kelso, which in turn concerns Laurie. Fez and Jackie actually win the contest. During the celebration afterwards, Jackie gets drunk and hangs all over Fez. Fez decides to be a gentleman and not take advantage of her. When she sobers up, Fez makes his move but she's not interested. Elsewhere, Red gets sued by Earl for wrongful termination from the Pricemart (episode 224). At a deposition, Eric admits that Red is an angry and abusive man.
Eric's Panties
Eric gets paired with Shelly, the cutest girl in school, as his lab partner. When Donna shows no signs of jealously over this, Eric gets mad. When Donna finds a pair of mysterious panties in Eric's car she suspects them to be Shelly's (Laurie had a hand in this conclusion). Donna decides to confront Shelly and Eric only to discover the panties are Midges: she left them in the car after a wild night with Bob. Donna feels like a dork, but Eric is satisfied that she cared enough to be jealous. Elsewhere, after discovering he has high cholesterol, Kitty puts Red on a diet.
Baby Fever
Kitty must look after an infant and it makes her see she wants to have another baby. When she and Red have dinner plans with the Pinciotti's, Kitty convinces Laurie to baby sit. Donna and Eric discuss their future, including having children. Donna realizes they may not spend the rest of their lives together.
Jackie Bags Hyde
In yet another attempt to make Hyde jealous, Jackie brings a new guy, Chip, to Red's annual Veteran's Day barbecue. Hyde is not jealous of Chip, but does find himself defending Jackie's honor yet again. Jackie misinterprets Hyde's defense of her honor as Hyde actually having feelings for her. The do end up kissing. Meanwhile, Red's not the only one hosting a barbecue. Neighbor Bob decides to throw his own barbecue. Red and Bob wind up competing over who hosts a better barbecue.
Hyde's Christmas Rager
Hyde has a party at his and Bud's place and Eric gets drunk so Red talks to Bud and gets him to be more strict. Donna and Jackie go to a bar and Jackie ends up hitting on a guy her mother dated 20 years ago.
Ice Shack
Kelso tricks Jackie, Eric and Donna into going to his uncle's ice shack and Fes, being unwanted, tags along. They play the newlywed game and Fes tries to ruin Kelso chances at getting back together with Jackie. Laurie decides to go to beauty school.
Who Wants It More?
After an argument Eric and Donna decide to hold off sex to see who'll cave in first. Red is nearly killed by a falling tree and it changes his whole outlook on life. He starts being nice to people, even Fes, but he soon realizes that that's not who he is. Kelso claims to have seen a UFO.
Fez Gets the Girl
Fez has a crush on a girl but is too shy to approach her so Donna sets them up together. Donna wins two tickets to see Led Zeppelin in concert but Eric can't go because he has to work so she gives one to Fez and the other to Caroline, the girl that Fez has a crush on, because Kelso, Hyde and Jackie keep fighting over who she's going to take. Eric is named Price Mart employee of the month and it goes to his head. Laurie uses Kittie as a hair model and Kittie doesn't like the job she did but won't tell her because Laurie wants to quit already after only two weeks in beauty school.
Dine and Dash
Kelso invites the gang to an expensive dinner but skips on the bill. Bob is upset that Red didn't offer him a job at Price Mart.
Radio Daze
Donna gets a job at a radio station and Eric gets jealous because on the air she's known as Hot Donna and supposedly single. Red gets Earl fired from Fatso Burger but Kitty makes him get Earl his job back. Leo wants to sell his car to Kelso but then changes his mind and gives it to Hyde.
Donna's Panties
Eric pulls Donna's pants down in public and reveals her granny panties so he tries to make up by giving her sexy panties on St. Valentine's Day. When Kelso finds out that Laurie cheated on him he realizes how Jackie must have felt when he cheated on her with Laurie and to Jackie's surprise he doesn't want her to feel sorry for him. Fes asks Caroline to go steady with and only after does he finds out that she might be psychotic.
Romantic Weekend
When Red and Kitty attempt to go on a romantic weekend getaway at a fancy hotel, their plan is ruined by noisy neighbors. Red goes next door to give the loud couple a piece of his mind and is shocked to discover Eric and Donna sharing their own romantic weekend getaway. Meanwhile, Kelso loses his sexual desire for every woman except Jackie, who assures him that when he finds the right woman, everything will work out just fine.
Kitty's Birthday (Is That Today!?)
It's Kitty's birthday and the only one who remembers is Hyde so to make up for Eric and Red take Kitty square dancing. Kelso's plan to get Jackie back as his girlfriend by being her friend when she tells him that she considers him her girlfriend. Hyde tells Fes that Caroline is a psycho.
The Trials Of Michael Kelso
Jackie tests Kelso to see if she should get back together with him. Fes, Eric and Hyde vandalize an opposing school's locker room because Fes was beaten up by their jocks, Kitty is angry at Bob and Midge for not inviting her and Red to their party until she finds out that Bob and Midge are nudists.
Eric's Naughty No-No
Kitty's sister visits and Kitty thinks she's only there to show off that she's more successful. After going to see an X-rated movie Eric tries a new move on Donna but it freaks her out and Kelso learns that honesty is the best policy.
Holy Craps!
Kitty forces Red, Eric, Hyde and Kelso to help out at a church fundraiser. Red spends all of his time at the craps table, Kelso and Hyde cheat at bingo so they could win all the prizes. Eric is busy worrying about his relationship with Donna because a church member told him that his wife was nice too when they first met, until they got tired of each other. Jackie and Donna tell Fez that Caroline is a psycho so he dumps her after she threatens them, but tells her that he was going out with Donna because he was afraid to tell her he was dumping her because she's crazy.
Fez Dates Donna
After their breakup, Fez notices that Caroline has been stalking him. Fez confronts Caroline, who doesn't believe Fez is really dating Donna because she never sees them together. Fez asks Eric for permission to "date" Donna and she agrees to be Fez's pretend girlfriend. Eric enjoys the single life for a while but soon starts to miss Donna. Donna and Fez go on a series of pretend dates, and Donna has a genuinely good time. Caroline continues to trail them. Eric becomes a bit jealous. And, Fez fantasizes that he and Donna live the perfect, wacky married life like Lucy and Ricky on "I Love Lucy" (with Red and Kitty as neighbors Fred and Ethel). While at the movies (ballet movie, "Turning Point"), Caroline tells Fez he doesn't believe he's really dating Donna because she doesn't see him going to second-base with Donna. When Fez tries to grab Donna, she pushes him away. She tells Caroline that Fez doesn't like her and remarkably, Caroline gets the hint. Meanwhile, Hyde and Eric run a neighborhood betting pool on when Jackie and Kelso will have their first fight, and Bob and Red fight over whether Bob's property extends into Red's garage.
Eric's Drunken Tattoo
While Donna is out of her room, Eric discovers in her diary that she wishes he had a more dangerous side. While Eric, Hyde, Leo and Fez are drinking Sake at Leo's, Eric tells Hyde that he wants to do something "dangerous" like get a tattoo. Leo volunteers to give him one. Leo claims he can fix the tattoo after Eric tells him his girlfriend's name is Donna not Debbie. Eric shows his tattoo to Donna, only after he's forced to apologize for peeking into her journal. Donna reveals to Eric the tattoo on his butt is of the "Peanuts" character, Woodstock. Meanwhile, Jackie hears Kelso mutter the phrase "it's not working" while asleep. Determined to find out what he meant, Jackie invites him to spend the night so she can listen to him while he talks in his sleep. Finally in the morning, Kelso utters the phrase again. Jackie quizzes him in his sleep and it learns Kelso is referring to the car not working. And, Kitty asks Pastor Dave to dinner. In a rush to get dinner over so they can watch a special on Green Bay Packers legend Vince Lombardi, Red hurriedly serves Pastor Dave his dinner. A bandage Red was wearing on his thumb fell off into Pastor Dave's dinner and he eats it unknowingly. Later, Pastor Dave becomes violently ill. Kitty and Red must confess about the bandage, but it turns out Pastor Dave just had food poisoning..
Canadian Road Trip
Eric, Hyde, Kelso, Fez and Leo take a road trip to Canada to get stronger beer. Once over the border they load up the Vista cruiser with cases of beer. Just as they are about to pile into the car, Fez announces he's forgotten his green card. Knowing they'll have trouble getting him back to the U.S. without his papers, they decide to hide him under a blanket among the cases of beer. The Canadian Mounties discover Fez at the border anyway. The guys are all questioned about why they are in Canada, and each have different answers: Eric says they're there for the beer. Hyde snidely jokes they're part of a teen terrorist plot, then later says he's there to bag Margaret Trudeau. Fez pretends he speaks no English. Kelso asks the Mounties dumb questions like "Do you guys ever get an American nickel in your change?" And Leo answers all their questions by asking them the same questions back. After the guys plead with the Mounties, sing the Canadian national anthem, and agree to give the Mounties their beer, they are let go. Just as they are about to leave, Fez finds his green card in his shoe. They still have to leave without the beer. Meanwhile back in Wisconsin, Jackie gets a letter saying she's been accepted by a modeling agency. She and Donna travel to the agency and the agent hits Jackie up for hundreds of dollars in fees. Donna tries to convince Jackie the agency is a scam. Jackie doesn't believe her until Donna herself goes to the agency saying she, too, wants to be a model. She is hit with the same fees after no tryout. Jackie finally believes her. And, Red brings home a VCR from Pricemart and plans to tape "Roots" so they can watch it later (even though Kitty wants to watch it while it's being broadcast.) Red makes a big deal out of taping the show. When they go to watch it later, Kitty realizes Red forgot to put a tape in the VCR.
Backstage Pass
Donna spends all her free time at the radio station and Eric starts to feel neglected. When Donna gets free Ted Nugent tickets, Eric doesn't feel so bad anymore. Later, Donna scores a backstage pass -- but just for herself. When the guards don't let Eric backstage, Donna goes without him. Eric waits, but Donna's having a great time partying with the band and forgets Eric is waiting. Meanwhile, Fez designs counterfeit T-shirts that he and Hyde plan to sell at the concert. However, Fez misspells Ted ("Tad"). Elsewhere, Jackie informs Kelso she wants their "new" first time having sex together to be special. Kelso racks his pea brain trying to come up with ways to make it special. And, Kitty and Red argue over the first time they met.
The Promise Ring
Afraid he may be losing Donna because they fight all the time, Eric decides to buy Donna a promise ring. Kelso decides to buy one for Jackie too, so they go to "a guy" Kelso knows who sells rings—Leo. Donna loves Eric's ring but doesn't quite get its significance. When she shows it to Jackie, Jackie asks why she's not wearing it on her ring finger, explaining that the ring is a promise that Donna and Eric will be together forever and wishing Kelso would get her one. Fez joins them and spills the beans by asking Jackie where her ring is... Jackie assumes Kelso hasn't given it to her because she has told him if he's ever going to give her a ring it should be inside food "because that's classy." Donna has a day dream in which she is on the game show "Lets Make A Deal" with Monty Hall. Behind the two doors she doesn't choose are careers as a rock 'n' roll journalist and the first female President of the United States. Behind the door she chooses is Eric, wearing a T-shirt with a zero on it, and riding a donkey. Meanwhile, Kelso buys Jackie an ice-cream sundae which she devours eagerly. When her ring isn't in it, she demands Kelso give it to her. He gets on one knee and tells her he always wants to be with her. As the group get ready to go out, Eric sees Donna has her ring on a chain. They all tell her she should be wearing the ring on her finger and she gives in and puts it on her finger. Later, Hyde tells Eric that Donna is not happy. Not believing Hyde, Eric goes to talk to Donna. While sitting on the hood of the Vista Cruiser, Donna tells Eric that she has to give back the ring. She tells him she doesn't necessarily see him always in her future. He's very upset and tells her he does see her always in their future. Donna says the future doesn't matter because they have right now. Eric says that's not enough. She asks if he's breaking up with her. Eric says "Yes." End of season.

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